Life is a series of choices. Every step is a choice, an option, a decision. We try our best to make these choices based on what we know. What we pick may not be based on what is right and what is wrong, but what we believe in our minds and hearts. Whatever we do decide, we have to compromise. It is always one or the other.

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My Girlfriend’s Boy Friend

Two women dancing with a man This isn’t about my imaginary girlfriend’s boy friend, rather about the idea of a spouse or a partner who has friends of the opposite gender. I was talking with a friend about this topic and she said she would want her partner to accept her male friends.

What about you? Would you accept your girlfriend’s boy friends? Would you accept your boyfriend’s girl friends?

If you are or when you do get married. Will things change as well? Will you accept your wife’s male friends? Would you accept your husband’s female friends?

If your answer is to accept but with limitations, then what are these limitations?

If you would refuse, why would you refuse and how would you let your friends know you can’t be friends with them, or what would you do?

79 Responses to “My Girlfriend’s Boy Friend”

  1. Marzouq |

    boundaries of the relationship have to be respected. In all honesty if our society allowed it then it wouldn’t be too weird but its very strange to be the case in Kuwaiti society. If my wife had a foreign friend from the states then I wouldn’t have a problem with that at all, but a Kuwaiti guy it would be a bit strange since I’m finding it strange in the first place.

    Just a point of view, could be different for different couples.

  2. Laialy_q8 |

    I grew up only having girl friends and I think that a girl and a guy can be classmates/ co-workers but not “friend friends” it’s a little awkward especially in Kuwait ,,, I WOULD NOT EXCEPT his girlfriends … who ever he is … if there is a he

  3. MSB |

    i think it would be difficult to have friends of the opposite gender after marriage. most of the guy friends i had, once they got married, i automatically backed off.. i have one guy friend whose wife is ‘cool’ with him having female friends and we hang out occasionally.. but i dont communicate w/him at all.. once in a while if they call to go to dinner or something.. but not a ‘friend’ in the real sense of the word.

    so my tentative answer is ‘no’…

  4. chikapappi |

    well I won’t accept it – law aktar men el lazem :)

  5. AlleyCat |

    good topic ;p ver sensitive to some…

    Anyhow these would be my rules… my husband would not be around these members of the opposite sex without my presence and vice versa… instead turn it into a bigger gathering (as opposed to one on one) and make it into a mixed sex get together. Not just that to be honest i’d expect his friends (as well as mine) of the opposite sex to accept the distance or these rules and actually try to live upto them without us enforcing them directly… seriously they should realize that YES when someone gets married things do change… not to better or worse.. but this person is entering a different phase of their life.. also shouldnt they want whats best for this friend???
    The main reason i’d implement these rules is that we all know of a friend (of the opposite sex) that might not directly flirt or have ANY intention of bedding a friend or initiating a relationship YET likes to be the center of attention of the opposite sex (including their friends). There’s almost ALWAYS the female friend or male friend that will indirctly start trouble between a couple either making the person choose or such..
    In my opinion yes i do believe in friendship with the opposite sex… BUT no matter what you should strive to be your spouse’s bestfriend .. and youshould make them your best friend of the opposite sex..
    Plus… most kuwaiti’s have the jealous gene ;p

  6. ZuZu |

    i wont accept it, maybe a boyfriend kaifah bs bel musta8bal metzawjeta oo y3aref bnat ’3airii ;p yensaaa elmaw’6oooo3 men ’3air mona8ashah ,, i think its awkward to have friends from the opposite sex in kuwait oo shay malah da3y y3nii ,, wayed ryayeel ma 7alalah yrafej ela bnaya? ;p

  7. suspic |

    Absolutely no. Acquaintances I’m fine with, but friends no.

    sh7laili walla ada5il flan “yeah come hang out with my wife in my house, i’ll go to the gym.. =) “.

  8. This Lady |

    I want to say “Yes I’ll accept it”, but to be honest, even if I trust my husband, I dont trust other girls (not all of them).

    But I will accept it, because I have some male friends that I want to keep in touch with. Not in a frequent matter, just occasionally. And i wont mind if he does the same. (I hope!)

  9. EniGma |

    that’s a very tough question. I need more time to think about it.

  10. Crystal |

    If it’s good for the goose it’s good for the gander.If he’s gonna keep his girl friends,I’l get myself the same amount of males that will only be too glad to hang out with me and be best of friends with me and I’ll spend the equel amount to of time with my best friends as he spends with all his girl-friends.And we’ll have messy good times,at least all my male best friends( that will have no string attached and no messing around as I DO NOT CHEAT) and I will.

    As,I am not going to sit at home alone while he is out with his girl-friends.

    But ,I would leave it all up to him,since I will not control him,if he wants to keep a crew of girl-friends,after he is married to me,that will be his CHOSE,then . I CHOOSE not to have any males as friends,myself.

  11. Hope |

    I will definitely accept them..infront of him that is…then I’d eliminate them..one..by one..:P

  12. Amethyst |

    I don’t know. Maybe if he accepts, I’ll accept;p

  13. Amethyst |

    La7tha! It all depends on the not yet existent guy.

  14. KJ |

    I believe it is up to both people who are involved in a relationship to discuss the boundaries they should respect when it comes to the opposite sex friends.

    In my personal opinion however I don’t find it practical that my spouse should not have a male friend and me not having a female friend

  15. KJ |

    BTW I really love your blog design, it is professional and respectable!

    *jealous*

  16. Nomad |

    It all depends on your definition of friend, It all depends on individual cases, And you relationship with your spouse. It’s one of those things you judge based on situation there is no absolute yes or no here.
    But if your asking about the principle, I’m ok with it.

  17. 'GreY' |

    My wife has lot of male friends , coleauges … the magic word is ‘ trust’ … I trust her and all that what it matters … you cant live life sitting in the box … gotta think out side it …

  18. Libitina |

    Yes, I do accept that but I have to be friends with them, so I could know them very well! and If not then they HAVE be lesbians =D that would make things better and no worries at all =)

  19. fadidra |

    I don’t mind at all, of course boundaries have to be respected at all times.

  20. Mai |

    No.
    I agree with ZuZu, where are men then?

    If I am not his friend, who will be?

    I don’t think there is a need to have opposite gender friends, especially after marriage, as the husband is the best friend ever! & vice versa!

    Good luck to every one!

  21. Dr.Shred md |

    Hmm i thought everyone had the same opinion about this but i sence that alot of people seem to suffer from insecurity about thier spouse. I mean I would certainly not tell my wife who she can and whom she cant talk to. I dont controll her, I dont want to controll her cuz I think if your the type that likes to controll people that a bit sad to say the least. She can bassically do whatever she wants with whoever she wants as long as she doesnt step on my rights. I am sure she might have at least one guy friend who she has known since she was a kid, and it would just be too cruel to tell her to say goodbye, I have a few girl friends that i love to death as friends, and if a chik comes up and tells me i cant talk to them anymore…
    She is soooooo totally dumped, and if she was the wife (which she wont be if shes that type anyway) then i think she would be the type that would restrict my freedom too much so ill divorce her especially if i find this out early, she is also likely to be the morbidly jealous type if thats her way of thinking.
    Besides, think about this, her guy friends are likely to be MY guy friends as well, otherwise if the sort of people she would like to hand out with are not the same sort of people i would like to hang out with, then we are not right for each other in the first place. And we probably chose each other based on the wrong things, or at least so from my side of things (i go for personality). So my bottom line is sure she can have guy friends as much as she freakin wants id meet them occasionaly and if i smell a rotten one ill deal with him in my owm way (and hopefully hers mwahahahaaha) And just like i give her complete and total freedom to do whatever she wants then she must give me that freedom as well, cuz i cant do things unless i do thim by my own free will, and if she doesnt give me the freedom that i want and need then she sucks and i dont really want to be with her, the whole thing was a big mistake anyways.

    Jealousy, is ok if its within limits, she can be jealous of one of my girl friends and then ill find a way to show her whom i really love then she wont be jealous no more or so i hope, if i get jealous of one of her guy friends she has to find a way to make me feel ok about it, not just break up with a guy she knew for the past 12 years thats crazy!!!

  22. Dr.Shred md |

    oh by the way the only way it can work the way im saying it is if there is real trust between the 2 partners, you can only trust another person compeletely if you trust yourself. so thats a start… (and maybe a little hint?)

  23. eshda3wa |

    i think its fine
    bas as long as we see our friends of the opposite gender as a couple
    ya3ni moo ohwa y6la3 with his girlfriends wana ga3da
    id rather we were involved and comfortable with eachother

  24. Sarah |

    my ex boyfriend’s close girl friend became one of my best friends (while we were still together)! I gained a friend and i am very grateful for that… She is still my close friend, he is not my boyfriend anymore, and they are not close, they barely see each other again… ;)

    Im single at the moment and i have a very close boy friend, i love him very much (eventhough we never exchanged body fluids!) and when i have a boyfriend, there is no way i would stop seeing my friend. When a man chooses me, he has to take the whole package or nothing, as i will do with him, of course! I don’t see marital/love life as a prison. The more u restrict someone, the more s/he will feel like doing what’s “not allowed”. The more freedom you give to someone, the happier the person, the less the “temptations”… anyway, who am i to control someone else’s life?!? We all want freedom but don’t want the ones we love to be free… this is totally illogical to me.
    anyway, it’s only my opinion… :D

  25. Dr.Shred md |

    Thank U Sarah :p
    And for a minute there i thought i was the wierd one, im glad to know there are other sane ppl around lol
    so anyways, yeah with complete and total freedom you must have complete trust, and i think thats the moral principle on wich to base that aspect of a relationship.

  26. Shale |

    We both work in mixed groups, but do not have particular opposite-gender ‘friends.’ It just does not work in practice.

  27. princess |

    ok because i am so insanely attached to my guy friends, i say yes! yes yes yes yes its ok for him to have friends, and for me to have my friends with no limitations because again i dnt want to be limited

    and if i decide to marry this person then ashkara i should be trusting him and vice versa so there will be no need for limitations i think

    i dnt know, wait the trust thing, hmmm

    but i strongly say that he can have alllllllllllllllllllllllllll the female friends he wants, as long as i get to know them and meet them ya3ni, i dnt have to be friends with them, but i gotta know who they are, and vice versa

  28. ammaro.com |

    funny topic, one that people take too sensitively here, given the nature of our societies. in this society, having a regular friend of the opposite sex is not considered normal in the first place, so having your spouse/date/etc have a friend from the other sex raises questions.

    for me, personally i dont think its a problem. i have girl and guy friends from bahrain and other countries around the world, i go out with them every now and then. in respect to my wife i wouldnt hang around the ones who get too flirty or who expect too much, but i wouldnt appreciate her asking me who is this and who is that like she doesnt trust me. if theyre both in the same place, ill introduce them. i treat girl friends like guy friends. kela wa7ed

  29. ammaro.com |

    and again, same for her, she can have guy friends. if she thinks theyre coming on too strong or they want something, its up to her to stop talking or to break the relationship, not me. after all, we both trust each other, were both grown up, and were not stupid when it comes to relations

  30. loya |

    I wont mind at all, and i don’t want him to mind too (my future husband i mean :P)

  31. Nasser |

    Marzouq,
    Yeah it would be weird to have a Kuwaiti friend to begin with, sort of. Since traditionally friendships out of the family aren’t allowed.

    Laialy,
    If there is no he, would there be a she? lol I’m kidding :p La enshalla there’s a he, and he’s good to and for you.

    MSB,
    Ah I see, so a “family” friend instead of a personal friend.

    Chikapappi,
    Yeah!

    AlleyCat,
    How you been? Where have you been, thought you might have disappeared off the face of the earth or something somehow. That’s a lot of detail.. and rules! Jealousy is OK as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else.. right? :p

    ZuZu,
    lol, yeah it is awkward actually to have friends of the opposite gender after in Kuwait.. but some of us are used to it! lol..

    suspic,
    Heheh, I like that, to the point.

    This Lady,
    You’re so right, you shouldn’t trust girls! I don’t! :p Well not all of them anyway. Very interesting that you would allow it for self interest.

    EniGma,
    Do you have an answer now?

    Crystal,
    Very interesting and amazing choice. So he’d be the one to set the tone, and either way would be OK but will be faced equally on your part. Very smart.

    Hope,
    LOL! eliminate.. you know who to call if you need to get that done :p

    Amethyst,
    Hehe, okay, so what you’re saying is similar to what Crystal said, you will place the ball in his court.

    KJ,
    Alright, so you’d accept because its practical.
    Thanks for the compliment :p Yes, I love it too! hehe.

    Nomad,
    Alright, so you’re okay with it.. in principal? lol, what does that mean.

    Grey,
    Yeah, trust.. it is important.. very important.

    Libitina,
    LOL! Lesbians! Okay.. nice :p What’s with the new name? What does it mean.

    fadidra,
    What type of boundaries, thats the question. Would you leave your partner alone with them/her? Would you allow them to go out alone, if you can’t make it with them?

    Mai,
    Yeah you’re right about being best friends with your partner. It is important and has to be that way!

    Dr. Shred, MD.
    I’m loving the name!
    I like your analysis! Yeah, It wouldn’t make sense to just break up with a friend you’ve known for so so long! You’re totally right about the trust issue, it is big!

    eshda3wa,
    Family friends, I think thats cool.

    Sarah,
    Sounds logical here.. the thing is in places like Kuwait and all, people are tied by social norms.. which makes that sort of odd and difficult to be very free about it, cause you have family and what they think etc.. some ppl worry about that!

    Shale,
    Groups, yeah.. it is much better than having a personal friend.. in some way.

    Princess,
    Yeah of course, so it has to be based on trust! :)

    Ammar,
    Oh wow okay, so thats an open ended type with full trust.. but you wouldn’t want to get to know em or be friends with them? interesting!

    Loya,
    lol.. enshalla he wont mind :p

  32. Greyshorts |

    I’d accept . I’m totally not the jealous type and i like guys who are also not jealous since i have more guy friends than girls. The limitations I’d set : he can’t hang out/speak/be with her more than he does with me .He can’t be alone with her in a suspicious manner and vice versa for me .

    Of course this would all change if we got married . Marriage fucks everything up .

  33. Nasser |

    Greyshorts,
    Did I tell you I love your handle? Its awesome. Now on to the topic. Yeah marriage would have to change things, I believe the same thing. Marriage is totally different than a regular relationship.

  34. AlleyCat |

    LOL Greyshorts marriage doesnt fuck things up if you pick the right person.. THATS where the problem lies.. and then to be honest … starting a relationship is hard too in order to GET TO the stability of considering marriage.. esp when you have guys and girls believing in the ’3 day rule’ or the ’10 day breaking up’ thing.. and crap like that.. complicating things with these minute pathetic rules is whats giving everyone a hard time maintaining a healthy and happy relationship.. (i know what you’re thinking N… yes i have many rules.. and no i dont see anything wrong with hurting someone cuz they’re scheming on your significant other.. just be smart enough NOT to get caught by the authorities *grin*)
    Seriously if we all were honest in approaching and initiating relationships … wouldnt the right people end up together… you’ll have the ‘ we just wanna be married by name only and fuck around on the side’ couple.. and then you’ll have the ‘ THAT’ couple that complete each others sentences and think when the other person flaculates is ‘cute’… (dont ask.. i know THAT couple) at least everyone would end up with better suited other half :D .. off topic i know.. but i was busy for the past few months and now i have some free time and decided to take over your blog N… u seemed like a good victim :D

  35. Nasser |

    AlleyCat,
    lol, hurting someone scheming on your relationship, I wonder if you meant in a physical or emotional way.. haha! The problem came when certain behavioural laws were imposed by those with bad relationships, making people act and behave unnaturally to check their partner or verify the relationship.. and all this is untruthful and reduces trust and creates a lot of misunderstandings.. all people have to do is be themselves..

    You’re welcome to take over the blog, as long as you’re nice to the visitors ;p good to have you back.

  36. joud |

    it can only work if the girlfriend’s boy friends become her boyfriend’s friends, and vice versa .

    makes sense ?

  37. Sushi |

    I think its okay if they’re co-workers or partners but something other than that would be just too weird. If you’re not ready to compromise in your relationship then you shouldn’t really be in one in the first place. Personally I don’t think I would tell him he shouldn’t have this or that but I would express to him that it makes me uncomfortable especially if she calls at the wrong times and chats about nonesense. If he truly loves me then he’ll respect how I feel and compromise just as its my duty to do the same. I guess that’s how I see it.

  38. Nasser |

    Joud,
    Yeah makes sense.

    Sushi,
    True, there’s a lot of compromise in relationships, and those who enter have to accept that fact and act upon it.

  39. Cat |

    Nooooooooo

    I wont accept !!

  40. Nasser |

    Cat,
    lol at least you know what you want :p

  41. fourme |

    I’m a female and personally i trust men as bestfriends more thn women. I’ve always had guy bestfriends and when i was in a relationship my other half understood how much i valued these friends and made them talk from time to time so he knows there is nothing wrong with my friendships. At the end of the day my relationship is gone and my guy bestfriend are still here, if i stopped talking to my bestfriend cuz of my relationship where would I be now? without both?
    Regarding marriage its a sticky subject, i can’t give an opinion on it seeing am not married and i wouldn’t know how it would feel.

  42. Chirp |

    This is a very loaded question my dear N, and even if I said I will be fine now, it will be different once I am married. I think that I will be fine if he has friends that are girls as long as he doesn’t go out with them without me, and their relationship isn’t like it used to be, ya3ni she can’t call him to “chat” or anything. Unless its an important issue. I don’t have guy friends that I would do anything for, ya3ni I think my relationship with them would be the same if I got married as it would be now, since I see them once a blue moon, and they call me once every three months :P

  43. Kaos |

    no
    plain and simple
    why should I put up w/ such bullshit?

  44. Ra-1 |

    No way! And I wont allow him to work with girls too :p
    I am the jealous type LOL

  45. Nasser |

    fourme,
    Strange is that a lot of women find men to be better best friends, which I find is a little strange. Or maybe it just is meant to be like that. Yeah it would really suck if you lost both your best friend because of a messed up relationship.

    Chirp,
    That’s good and simple, live your life now as you would later on.. that should be a life motto :p

    Kaos,
    I like your decisiveness!

    Ra-1,
    lol not even work with girls too? hehe.

  46. lone.rangeress |

    in our society, having friends of the opposite gender is considered weird and kinda outa’ the box.. having that said, what wud ur reaction be if u had a friend of the opposite gender? well, let’s just say that not all people’s slates are clean, and usually their intentions of such relationships aren’t what they should be

  47. Nasser |

    lone.rangeress,
    I do have freinds of the opposite sex, I just make it clear what it is about, and don’t step any boundries. Cause usually it is always misinterpreted! all that because of the intentions of some ppl are not what they supposed to be like you said

  48. Navy Girl |

    friends are the same as any other things that would come along with my own personality .. i dont think i would accept anyone no matter close we are to change that … so BIG NO NO .. i wont accept any demands about changing my friends .. and i will not change one thing about the way i’m or the way i behave or even my own friends just for the sake of getting married .. if the person i’m getting married to wont understand the BIG DIFFERENCE between innocent friendship and a relationship then i dont think that we can understand each other well enough means i dont think we will get along well .. i refuse to change my own world and step outta of it into a completely different world because someone made me that new so called world that he framed with his own rules .. no .. aint gonna happen . . and by that i assume he could have his own friends as well .. it would only be fair enough to him …

  49. ammaro.com |

    i didnt say i wouldnt get to know them; if there was a place and time we go out and meet, sure ill meet them, but thats not a prerequisite to her having those friends. some people here are saying I HAVE TO MEET THEM FIRST but im thinking, how is that gonna change anything? if they were up to no good, they would definately hide it when its infront of you. you should trust your significant other to know how to deal with things. if you cant trust them with that, then thats a totally different story

  50. YoOoNa |

    this my first visit to the blog,, u have such a great blog! i will sure be a frequent visitor!

    about having friends of the opposite sex i actually dislike this idea, and i cant imagine myself with male friends.. it’s just that friends should understand you and your feelings, and as we all know there’s a huge difference betweeen males and females so i dont think that a guy can understand me better than a girl..

    oo 3an my husband having a female friend, asasan i wont marry him if i knew he has female friends
    oo if i figured out he does, i will tell him to let go of them and not to talk to them any more.. coz i dont trust men! i love my husband but i cant trust him if he’s seeing a girl, like who knows what will happen??
    il rasool said inna ma ejtama3 rajolon wa emra2ah illa kan thalith’homa ilshai6aan, fa it’s totally wrong! and i wont accept it at all..
    ba3dain even if he talks to her infront of me oo he doesnt go out with her ila with me, how could i be so sure he doesnt talk to her behind my back too??

    walla mawthoo3 7ilo! li2anna 9ij likwait now madre shga3ed ey9eer feeha everything is going insane!
    wila this new trend two married friends hang out together with their husbands ya3nee gathering! shal kharabeee6 3aib! shloon matghaar 3ala rayelha oo ohwa shloon mayghaar 3ala merta? chethy 3ady etsoolif wiyaa il guy chenna o5ooha oo ohwa a9lan may9eerlaha?!
    9ar mako gheera killish

  51. Fayoor |

    Ma artha .. Aghar!

  52. manutdfanatic |

    Nope. Straight and simple.

  53. asoom |

    I heard many newly married people say this: when you get married your relationships with those of the opposite sex will just change and I think that makes a lot of sense. It may be intentional or unconscious, or some of both.

    I don’t know if this is something that’s commonly discussed between the two when they’re engaged or just get married or if its like an unspoken rule. I’m hoping it’s just an unspoken understood rule, I would feel so childish and awkward having to tell my guy that he must restrict his interaction with the ladies and I wouldn’t want my guy to explicitly tell me something similar

  54. Nasser |

    Navy Girl,
    Fair is good, as long as things don’t get out of hand :D

    Ammar,
    Yep, you’re right about that..

    YoOoNa,
    Thank you! And hope to see more of your thoughts here :) Yeah, el deera going insane, o people here are going insane. The thing is, a lot of people here have friendships with the opposite gender.. o naader if you find someone who doesn’t!

    Fayoor,
    Good and honest answer!

    manutdfanatic,
    Clear, I like!

    Asoom,
    People change when they’re married. That is interesting and true in so many ways. I have so many friends (guys) who changed.. weird but it happens. I suppose the same would happen towards their friends of the opposite gender.

  55. Ri |

    Man, I totally missed this post. I don’t know how that happened.

    Firstly, please tell Shale I missed him. Also, plant a big, wet, juicy one on his mouth for me *grin*

    Secondly, I’d first introduce my partner to all my male friends in a social setting. You know? We’d all get together for a drink or something. Once he gets to know my male friends, then I’d expect him to trust me around them, even in his absence, even if he doesn’t trust them. After all, they were there before him, no?

    I wouldn’t deliberately try and exclude him from social gatherings, but if he couldn’t be there, I wouldn’t want him to insist on my staying home too.

    And of course, all the same rules would apply to him too.

    I hate it when people cut themselves off from their friends after getting married. I understand that things have changed now. But geez, they have the rest of their lives to spend together, why cut out the people that have been there for you all along?

    Okay, enough blah blah. I hope your New Year’s was good, N.

    Happy New Year’s *hug*

  56. Nasser |

    Hey Ri..
    I haven’t seen Shale in a while, he is around though. I’m not sure about delivering that message, unless Shale is a pretty hot lady! However, I do not think he is.

    That is understandable, and you’re right it just doesn’t seem right to be cut off from friends because of marriage! Bleh.

    Happy New Year to you too! *bigger hug*

  57. Ra7aLaH |

    NOWAY!! never!

  58. Nouf |

    With out thinking twice, 6b3an YES!!
    its just about trust.

  59. Soul |

    el mathal el q8i shegooool ya she6aaaaar? 5aweeni wa5aweech! a5eth raylech wa5aleeeeeech! ya7lailech wentay ma5thaaa rayleeeee adfenech enti weyaaaaaah!
    bas wain el rayel? 3ashan adfena ;p

  60. Nasser |

    Ra7aLaH,
    Simple and straightforward!

    Nouf,
    You’re right, It is all about trust!

    Soul,
    lol! etha mako rayel tadfenena 3ayal ashwa!

  61. Elaine |

    This post makes me review my relationship with my husband…I am introvert and my husband extrovert. He has more friend than me. At first, it was not easy for me to accept his friend…especially the girls. But than I learn to accept that his friends are mine too and he helped me a lot by always involving me to his activity with his friends…Needs time, but finally I can accept them.

  62. komodo dragon |

    yes… limitations as in, lets hope his new friend doesn’t turn out to be a pseudo girlfriend …

  63. Nasser |

    Elaine,
    That is really wonderful. You know, it is always important that the person involves their partner with their friends and family, and that is how it is supposed to be.

    komodo dragon,
    haha, well sure, but a person has to learn to accept what is current now and not expect to change much of what already is.

  64. Soul |

    Yeah i would accept.
    No conditions set on my behalf.

    It doesn’t matter in a long run.

    ~ Soul

    P.S: I wouldn’t choose an insensible partner however !

  65. Nasser |

    Soul,
    The second part is the tricky one.

  66. Soul |

    Yeah! it is !

    All what matters is from what reference point you are looking at !

    If i were to draft a book anytime..
    Living Together for Dummies v1.0

    My first line would be…
    Life is difficult. Accept it or quit reading here.

    Second line…
    1. Life is what you think it is, for you.
    2. Life is what your partner thinks it is, for him/her.
    3. Living together is what you both think it is, for both.

    All three statements are simultaneously true at any point of time.

    Can it get more easier than this ?

    I was bullshitting about the first line. Enjoy reading….

    ~ Soul

  67. Nasser |

    Soul,
    It is pretty easy if both see it as is! haha, that would surely be an interesting introduction. I bet the contents would be just as interesting.

  68. Soul |

    The idea of 3 statements being simultaneously true is that both understand that they need to CONSIDER their partner’s thinking and mutual thinking apart from their individual thinking.

    The problem is, striking a balance between these three types of thinkings !!

    Usually 2 are similar.

    ~ Soul

  69. Nasser |

    Soul,
    Yeah the problem is striking a balance. But we make mistakes, we learn and move on. Hopefully this should be a team thing for the couple.

  70. Soul |

    Moving on is a part of improvisation.

    Some things take loads of time improving, probably 10 years.

    The same thing could be solved in one hour initially, before living together or first fresh days, if understood and communicated well.

    You see, better understanding saves hell load of time + gallons of frustration.

    ….

    Coming to the point..
    Socializing with your partner’s friends is good.
    We all know our limits, dont we ?

    ~ Soul

  71. Nasser |

    Soul,
    It sure does save time and frustration. And yes, we should all know our limits. :)

  72. Ruby Redux |

    I’d never accept. I don’t have male friends and I doubt that I will ever do. I can be colleagues with them but never friends. For me, it’s black and white because it’s how I was raised as a Muslim.

    I’m not flexible when it gets to that, obviously. Which means, I do not believe in boy/girlfriends or female friends of a husband or male friends of a wifey.

  73. Nasser |

    Ruby,
    That really makes it so simple and easy for you to deal with :) Allah ewafjech.

  74. Jessica Web Marketing |

    I was just wondering. Who did you love the most out of all you boyfriends’s or girlfriend’s.

  75. bff |

    Yeah look,it will never work.Been there, done that…it is flirting with disaster *no pun intended*. Human nature takes over , the best friend replaces the spouse, becomes the primary confidante and inevitably if there is any attraction there,nature takes it’s course, and it’s all downhill from there….fast.Doesn’t matter what religion you are,doesn’t matter how old u are,or how long u’ve been married.it’s dangerous.I’m a religious woman, married for 10 years, kids and I allowed this to happen to me. I am now still suffering the repercussions of my decisions,3 months after the fact, flitting dangerously on the edge of insanity.lol.i am laughing but it’s true.Now the friendship is over, and I feel as if I don’t love my husband anymore. No way out. Smashing Pumpkins comes to mind : despite all my rage, I’m still just a rat in a cage.

  76. Dreamer at Heart~Soosa |

    I’ll get back to you on that!

  77. Nasser |

    Waiting on that :)

  78. shyann |

    men and women cant be friends ..it just really doesnt work..although i feel theres know harm in talkin to the opposite sex aslong as you know you can trust yourself and trust your partner but it never works out like that, you cant just talk to the opposite sex and expect not to be friends. there is no winning, i believe you should never contol your partner in telling them who they can and cant talk to, in the end they’re just gonna end up resenting you. the key is trust and boundries.

  79. Serendipitous |

    Just found this article — Most certainly! Friends with opposite sex is a GREAT thing! My b/f and I both have friends of both genders. When there is trust, this can be!

Reserved, going to add something here later.