N. | One Or The Other

This is a long and personal post, you’ve been warned. :)

I never used to get easily pissed off. I remember myself always being the optimist. Always being happy and smiling. I even remember I used to smile so much people used to think there was something going on.

All of that was a long time ago, around 10 years or more. When I think of it, I wonder how I transformed over the years.

Recently however, the worst transformation is my temper! Okay so I don’t go around breaking things, or starting fights, or swearing and cussing or even shouting.. but it is there. Of course the experts always say keeping emotions bottled in isn’t a good thing, maybe I shouldn’t. I’m afraid I might explode though if I do let a shred of that anger out!

Instead, what do I usually do? Obviously there are those whom I care about, and having a bad temper doesn’t help anyone really. Currently I do control it, and try to figure out what it is that is bothering me so much. I try to put myself in a different perspective. I do not make excuses for others but I do ask myself why does this particular thing make me feel this way. When I do that, and really think about it I figure out how tiny this thing is. It seems clear that this thing that I am so pissed about is so small and is not worth all this emotion!

Oh, and even when something *seems* worth getting pissed over, it *really* isn’t.. only because of context and the bigger picture. If you’ve asked yourself over and over and you still couldn’t figure out how to make something not bother you, then step back.. and think again because there is always a way. I know it to the point that most of the time I start to surprise myself!

Note: The world is one big soup bowl. You either enjoy it, or drown in it.

I have been thinking about the concept of inner peace for quite some time. A not so recent post by Baroque has in truth touched on the essence of today’s topic.

With inner conflict a negative self emerges, confused and disruptive. This negative self reflects upon the outside world and thus produces a negative chain of effects that cripples and possibly destroys anything in its path.

Inner stability is inner peace and is achieved when the positive and the negative within one’s self are aligned. This projects as a positive light, brining forth justice, happiness, and good will to all that it touches.

The actions we take today are what the world will be tomorrow. Take care of yourself first, to be able to take care of those you love. And once you are at Inner peace, you will naturally project and illuminate your surroundings.

I don’t usually take afternoon naps. Today I had to get quite a few things prepared for the wedding, and boy was I beat! I didn’t imagine it would be this hot either. As soon as I got home, I passed out. Thank God I woke up in time to see Spider-Man 3. Great movie, bad audience. Can’t put it in a much simpler way.